These transcripts were originally posted at the website 'Pure Pilot', which has disappeared from the internet. All credit for the creation of the transcripts needs to go to Pure Pilot. This archive of someone else's labors has been created in an effort to safeguard the Farscape community's past, as well as to provide a much-appreciated resource for authors. Many thanks to the creators of Pure Pilot in absentia for their hard work and attention to detail.

Previous | Transcript Index | Next
Report transcript errors

Out Of Their Minds
July 7, 2000 - US
September 4, 2000 - UK

Writer: Michael Cassutt
Director: Ian Watson

Guest Cast:
Lani Tupu . . . Crais
Dominique Sweeney . . .Yoz
Angie Milliken . . . Voice of Yoz
Thomas Holesgrove . . . Tak
Nicholas McKay . . . Voice of Tak

Go To The Episode Transcript

Episode Summary
It's a small universe. In OOTM the crew of Moya happen upon an alien ship owned and operated by a race of homicidal bird-creatures called the Halosians. Now even under the best of circumstances the Halosians are no chirpy budgies - in order to "evolve" they must "register" hostile kills - but this particular Halosian ship has a particular bone to pick with Leviathans - having just had their goose cooked by none other than Talyn and Crais, who have of course fled the scene. So the Halosians make to attack Moya and Zhaan takes it upon herself to board the alien ship and try to reach a diplomatic solution. meanwhile the rest of Moya's crew prudently attempts to get the on-again, off-again defense screen on again, Zhaan is predictably unsuccessful in persuading the Halosians to NOT shoot Moya and that's where the real story of OOTM begins.

For the combination of the Halosian weapon and the semi-operational defense screen conspire to produce the unfortunate effect of the minds of the crew to be displaced into each others bodies. E.g. - John finds himself living in Aeryn's body, Aeryn is punted into Rygelís body and Rygel takes up residence in John's body etc. General chaos and wanton acts of hanky-panky ensue. Zhaan - unaware of the group identity crisis back on Moya, is held captive aboard the Halosian ship where her efforts to reason with them are completely wasted although they pretend to go along with her for awhile - just long enough to visit Moya and vomit caustic amoeba-puke on her to ensure their chances of a successful kill.

In the end Zhaan realizes that a Big Stick sometimes works better than soft words. The rest of our heroes, having sussed the connection between the DS and the Halosian weapon, persuade Zhaan to shoot them again - everybody reconnects with themselves. And each other.

back to the top

The episode opens with an alarm that sounds like the electronic beeping of a wristwatch - it has John rushing for the Command, hopping down a corridor on one foot while tugging a boot on the other when he sees Aeryn loping ahead him. The rest of the crew is already on alert - Chiana and D'Argo are in Pilot's Den working on the defense shield with Rygel helping them from the Command. The scene cuts between the Command and Pilot's Den as the two groups of crew speak via comm

John: I'm up-I'm up-I'm up-I'm up-I'm up! Aeryn! What the hell's going on?

Aeryn: We've been locked and targeted.

John: Peacekeepers?

Aeryn: (as they enter the Command, Rygel is already there monitoring the defense screen readouts) No - them. (out the main viewport can be seen the indistinct bulk of a dark alien ship)

John: Who are they?

Pilot: (cut to him in his Den as he speaks) I don't know Crichton. Their ship is badly damaged. And their comms channel's not functioning.

John: Have we sent the "Don't shoot us, we're pathetic" transmission yet?

D'Argo: (cut to him down in Pilot's Den trying to get the DS working - Chiana is helping him) It's the first thing we tried - but they still targeted us.

John: What did we do to piss these guys off?

Aeryn: Nothing we're aware of.

D'Argo: (on comm) Rygel! I've just boosted another cable - Is the defense shield working?

Rygel: No - it still registers only half power. Move it, D'Argo! I don't want to die because you're too slow!

D'Argo: (muttering) If you can do any better, get down here yourself Your Lowness and give it a try! (louder - to Chiana who leaps silent as a cat from Pilot to D'Argo as she hauls cable) Now get me another cable!

Pilot: (sincerely) We just have to hope Zhaan can stall them.

John: Zhaan? (incredulous) Zhaan's on their ship?

(cut to the alien ship. It belongs to a race of creatures called the Halosians. Zhaan has boarded it and is proceeding with caution through its' interior which is spacious, predominantly deep sapphire blue in color and appears decidedly the worse for wear. A sickly yellowish light mixes with the blue to cast a green tint on Zhaan. There is little that is recognizable as machinery or controls)

Zhaan: (via comm) Pilot, I've auto-docked and I'm coming toward what I think is their Command. There's no one here though.

Pilot: We're still targeted Zhaan. Perhaps they've automated their weapons. You must find a way to stop them from firing.

Zhaan: I will try Pilot. (she ends communication and proceeds a little further into the ship. Suddenly she spots a dark object laying on the floor gasping for breath - it is the Halosian captain. Halosians are the size of a big human but the resemblance stops there. They are bird-like creatures with huge, skeletal beaks. Their bodies are indistinct and seem to be covered in long loose feathers. The appendages they have for hands are unseen, as if they would rely mainly on their great beaks to manipulate objects. They take great gulps of air at odd points during their speech as if they need to do so to form words, like a human who has no larynx must. Their voices are harsh and raspy. They are black in color but their beaks and feathers shine with green highlights in the yellowish light - the overall effect is of a large, flightless vulture. The name of the Halosian captain is Tak. Zhaan slowly approaches him)

Tak: (he appears to be badly injured and gasps as he speaks) I will - never yield! You must - destroy me.

Zhaan: I-I am not here to hurt you. I am a Delvian Pa'u, a priestess. I can take your pain if you allow me.

Tak: (as Zhaan touches his beak and head) Why do you help? Your ship - attack us?

Zhaan: We didn't attack you.

Tak: Your smaller - ship did. Captain called it - Talyn.

Zhaan Talyn did this. Is that why you targeted us?

Tak: Yes.

Zhaan: (earnestly) You must believe me - we did not send Talyn to attack you!

Tak: Why I trust?

Zhaan: Well, you can scan us. We're peaceful. We do not have any weapons.

Tak: (weakly) No - weapons?

Zhaan: Nothing. (and with that Tak breaks free of Zhaan's touch, leaps to his feet and calls to his second, a female Halosian named Yoz who has waited out of sight. She is indistinguishable from Tak in appearance )

Tak: AAARRR! Yoz! No weapons? Destroy their ship!

Zhaan: What are you d-? (but Tak deals her a blow with his heavy beak that knocks her to the floor)

Yoz: Lord! Our core - is below pulse! Can only - fire once if we-

Tak: We have - no choice!

(cut back to Moya - Pilot's Den where D'Argo and Chiana continue their frantic efforts to get the DS functional. One wonders why they always wait till the last minute to do these things. What were they doing that whole month they were eating themselves out of ship and home before HOTR?)

Pilot: D'Argo, I am unfamiliar with their ship, but I believe they are marshaling energy to fire.


Chiana: COMING THROUGH! (she climbs onto Pilot's Console with the cable)


(cut to the Command where Rygel activates the DS. The energy shield begins to form over Moya's body just as the Halosian ship fires. The DS absorbs the blast but on the Command, Aeryn, John and Rygel are jolted by the impact of the Halosian fire and some sort of energy pulse seems to course between the three of them as well. They stagger for a moment and then slowly recover, looking at each other and themselves with puzzlement - something is very wrong - they seem to have swapped bodies. John finds himself in Aeryn's body, Aeryn in Rygelís' body and Rygel in Johns body...)

John-as-Aeryn: (looking down at the alien body which he now inhabits) Screw me - this is impossible.

Aeryn-as-Rygel: (staring at her Sebacean body which is standing several feet away from her) What the frell's going on? That's my body! I'm Aeryn - who are you?

John-as-Aeryn: I'm Crichton.

Rygel-as-John: (with quiet horror) By the Hynerian Gods! I'm not me! (he lunges towards his Hynerian hide, which is currently occupied by Aeryn and rasps while John-as-Aeryn tries to restrain him-) What are you doing in my body?

Aeryn-as-Rygel: (sounding distressed) I don't know!

Rygel-as-John: (protesting) But that's my my MY body!

John-as-Aeryn: (giving Rygel-as-John a little shake) I know - and this is my body!

Rygel-as-John: (eying the human hands of the body he is inhabiting with nothing short of disgust) Yotz! Look at it! Look at what I am!

Aeryn-as-Rygel: (pure confusion) You? I look like, like Rygel! (to her Sebacean body which is standing behind what appears to be John) Who are you?

John-as-Aeryn: Me? I'm Crichton. Now we just have to - just think for a second - try and figure out what happened to us. (he steps away from the other two)

Rygel-as-John: (muttering) This is not some sort of sick hallucination - (he springs up and begins shouting-) I want my body back! PILOT? (he yelps woozily from the altitude of John's body and promptly sinks into a chair) Oh ho! - PILOT!

John-as-Aeryn: Rygel - just calm down! We all need to calm down! Just calm down! (but Rygel-as-John is in full cry and bellows over him-)

Rygel-as-John: No I am not calming down! PILOT! Why aren't you answering? PILOT!

John-as-Aeryn: (approaching Aeryn-as-Rygel as
Rygel-as-John rants and saying gently-) Aeryn, right?

Aeryn-as-Rygel: What do you think? Of course it's me John.

John-as-Aeryn: (carefully) Okay I know this is crazy, but we need to focus.

Aeryn-as-Rygel: (not quite understanding how she's supposed to do anything in this lame excuse for a body) Look at me! I have no arms! Look at this!

John-as-Aeryn: (he takes Aeryn-as-Rygel's face in his hands) Aeryn - focus. I need your help. Now, I don't know what happened to us. I don't even know if this is real.

Rygel-as-John: (bellowing) I FEEL something real!

John-as-Aeryn: Shut up Fluffy! (he continues to speak softly to Aeryn-as-Rygel and Rygel-as-John
continues to mutter and declaim to himself in the background)
- But I know that we were attacked, and if we're attacked again, the defense screen needs to have more power, so we have to get it fully charged.

Rygel-as-John: (to himself loudly) Crazy. That's it- I'm insane. I'm dreaming. Yes that's it. I'm asleep, and I'm dreaming. I'll wake up in my royal bed chamber surrounded by my concubines and everything will be fine!

John-as-Aeryn: Rygel listen to me.

Rygel-as-John: (stubbornly - he's sitting at a table and refusing to even look at the other two) I'm not listening to you. You're a figment! You're a haunt in my imagination! (John-as-Aeryn impatiently storms up behind him, grabs Rygel-as-John's head and knocks it against the table) OOOF!! (muttering) That was real.

John-as-Aeryn: (muttering) Oh that's great. (yelling) It's the Three-FREAKING-Stooges! I'm hitting myself!

Rygel-as-John: (leaning on the table and staring balefully at Aeryn-as-Rygel) Whoever you are, I want my body back!

John-as-Aeryn: We all do, buddy, we all do.

Aeryn-as-Rygel: Look, that ship must have shot us with some kind of brain-switching weapon. I don't know - somehow, I got in you Rygel!

Rygel-as-John: But why? Why would they want us to switch bodies? WHY?

John-as-Aeryn: I don't know. But if this is some kind of sick experiment, I'm billing them for the therapy. Pilot? PILOT!

(cut to Pilot's Den where things aren't going much better for D'Argo, who has found himself trapped in Pilot's body, Pilot - transported into Chiana's body and Chiana who now occupies the body of D'Argo)

D'Argo-as-Pilot: (Pilot's Console is sparking as he sits there - immobile) Pilot! Wake up! Help me!

Pilot-as-Chiana: (sprawled on the floor, moaning woozily, completely disoriented, near panic) Moya? Moya! Where - where are you?

D'Argo-as-Pilot: (he makes a very gruff and growly Pilot) She's right here! PILOT! Look at me!

Pilot-as-Chiana: (struggling to move Chiana's body and sit up) What-? What's happened?

D'Argo-as-Pilot: We were hit by some kind of weapon. But they haven't shot again. I do not know why.

Pilot-as-Chiana: (squinting at the creature sitting behind his Console) Who are you?

D'Argo-as-Pilot: It's me! I'm D'Argo!

Pilot-as-Chiana: D'Argo?

D'Argo-as-Pilot: Something happened to us. We've all been - switched. It affected you the worst. You passed out. I thought you were dead.

Pilot-as-Chiana: You're - D'Argo? (he eyes what appears to be D'Argo standing nearby) Then who are you?

Chiana-as-D'Argo: (sounding very swishy) Chiana.

D'Argo-as-Pilot: (he has no idea how to fly the good ship Moya) Everything's coming apart! I don't know what I'm doing here Pilot!

Chiana-as-D'Argo: We're gonna die now aren't we?

D'Argo-as-Pilot: Shut up Chiana! It's like I have a million sounds in my head!

Pilot-as-Chiana: (with a very nice British accent as he continues to struggle to sit up) That's - Moya! You're multitasking.

D'Argo-as-Pilot: (with some desperation) I can't hear anything specific Pilot! All I hear is noise - and I can't control it! (Moya begins to shudder and there are sounds like distant crashes)

Chiana-as-D'Argo: (stumbling and swishing like a drag queen with a limp) What the frell?

D'Argo-as-Pilot: (alarmed) What was that?

Pilot-as-Chiana: Moya can't hear me and I - I think she's starting to panic. Listen D'Argo - you're going to have to control some of the multitasking.

D'Argo-as-Pilot: (protesting) I can't!

Pilot-as-Chiana: Yes you can. I'll - I'll talk you through- (he tries to stand but having no experience with standing on two legs - he remains sprawled awkwardly on the floor) - I can't move my legs. Chiana, take me to D'Argo. (Chiana-as-D'Argo hesitates) Moya needs my help. (with a sigh and a toss of her head Chiana-as-D'Argo moves to help)

(cut back to the Halosian ship where Zhaan has now been handcuffed to a pole with a broad, tight shackle and is being questioned by Tak)

Tak: You lied. Your ship - has defense screen. Why have - if not warrior vessel?

Zhaan: We scavenged it from an abandoned carrier called the Zelbinion. I am telling you the truth. You-you fired on an unarmed living creature.

Tak: Then why this? (and with that he replays a recording of Talyn, firing upon the Halosian ship and then speeding away)

Zhaan: That's not us. That's Talyn.

Tak: 30 of my crew - dead - and we - the only living.

Zhaan: Talyn is a genetic mutation, designed to be a gunship. We have been searching for him. Moya is not like that ship!

Tak: (to Yoz) Time count - till our weapon - can fire.

Yoz: 3 arns

Zhaan: (desperate) By the Goddess! We mean you no harm! Let me take you aboard Moya - prove to you that we have no weapons!

Tak: You return to your ship - when it is corpse.

(cut back to Moya, Pilot's Den where Chiana-as-D'Argo has just deposited Pilot-as-Chiana upon the Console next to D'Argo-as-Pilot)

Pilot-as-Chiana: Thank you - Chiana. (he focuses on D'Argo-as-Pilot and begins speaking gently-) D'Argo - close your eyes. Now, listen. Listen through all the sounds in your head. Beyond them - there's a high-pitched sound. Very faint. I sometimes see it as a sort of color - a dark red.

D'Argo-as-Pilot: (with his eyes tight shut) Yes -I think I see it.

Pilot-as-Chiana: Good. Now - push all the other noises to the side. Concentrate on the red one. That's Moya's life-support functions. Keep that in your brain at all times. Moya's other tasks will hang off that sound - like it's a rope.

D'Argo-as-Pilot: I'll try. (Moya sways in space but seems to slowly calm down)

(cut to later - in Pilot's Den. The crew has assembled and in yet another amazing display of versatility - a DRD is taking photos of them and printing out the results like a little Polaroid camera. The pictures are then hung around the necks of each crew member to show whose mind is operating out of whose body)

Rygel-as-John: (as John-as-Aeryn places the picture of Rygel around his neck) Are these really necessary? Can't you remember who we are?

John-as-Aeryn: No I can't Einstein. If these guys attack again, I've gotta know who I'm talking to.

D'Argo-as-Pilot: Pilot - I think I've isolated our internal comms. They should be working now.

Pilot-as-Chiana: Good. Hang the sound on the rope in your mind, like we talked about. Now, try to isolate - broadcast frequencies.

John-as-Aeryn: (to Chiana-as-D'Argo) You okay?

Pilot-as-Chiana: We must contact Zhaan.

Chiana-as-D'Argo: Do you think she'll be all right?

Pilot-as-Chiana: I know she docked on the Halosian ship before it fired. I - I don't - know - what happened after that.

John-as-Aeryn: Any idea why we switched bodies Pilot?

Pilot-as-Chiana: No. As soon as minimum functions return, I'll help D'Argo into the memory banks to run a scan. (John-as-Aeryn gazes resentfully at Rygel-as-John who is unabashedly digging in his nose with two fingers and snorting) But before I switched, I sensed damage to the defense screens' circuitry in the neural cluster. Nothing serious, but we need to repair transfer conduits.

Aeryn-as-Rygel: Pilot, shouldn't we just worry about getting our bodies back? Who cares about fixing the defense screen? It didn't stop their first blast from doing this.

Pilot-as-Chiana: When we first got hit, the defense screen was only at 62%. If we get it properly aligned, it will protect us.

John-as-Aeryn: I'm on it. You coming, Aeryn? (Aeryn-as-Rygel shrugs and follows him)

(soon after - cut to far below Pilot's station in the neural cluster, This is a maze-like area of small chambers that act sort of like individual cells and contain the great conduits that form the basis of Moya's nervous system)

John-as-Aeryn: You really know your way around this maze?

Aeryn-as-Rygel: Mm-hm. There's hundreds of quadrants and I had to learn them all. (she consults a small device she is carrying) This says the defense screen power cell should be right up there. You're going to have to do all the work Crichton. I can't do anything with these. (she waves Rygel's stumpy arms)

John-as-Aeryn: All right, well, follow the circuitry on the schematics and I'll see if I can isolate the burned out conduits.

(cut back to the Halosian ship)

Tak: (to Zhaan - in an apparent change of heart) I accept your offer. I will survey Moya. If peaceful - I will let you free.

Zhaan: Thank you. Moya is unarmed. I will prove it to you.

Tak: No - you stay. If they betray - you die.

Zhaan: They won't.

Tak: Allow me - to be suspicious.

(cut back to Pilot's Den)

D'Argo-as-Pilot: (growling ) I can't believe you do this every day. My whole body aches from concentrating so hard. I'm only doing a tiny bit of what you do and I can hardly breathe.

Pilot-as-Chiana: (breathing spasmodically) You'd... you'd adapt quickly D'Argo.

D'Argo-as-Pilot: What's the matter?

Pilot-as-Chiana: (shaking) I don't feel so well.

D'Argo-as-Pilot: (alarmed) Pilot! I need you here! Don't pass out on me! I can't do this without you!

Pilot-as-Chiana: (struggling to stay upright, he says faintly-) You might... have to.

D'Argo-as-Pilot: No! Wait - there's something, uh - it's Zhaan! I'm getting a transmission from Zhaan!

Pilot-as-Chiana: (gasping for breath) Put her on external... vocal.

D'Argo-as-Pilot: Huh?

Pilot-as-Chiana: (indicating the proper control) There.

Zhaan: (via comm, the scene shifts between her on the Halosian ship and Moya) Pilot can you hear me? (frustrated) Why aren't you answering?

Pilot-as-Chiana: (whispering) Answer her! Go on.

D'Argo-as-Pilot: (uncertainly) Uh - Yessss... It's me Zhaan. Sort of. Are you all right?

Zhaan: Yes, I am unharmed. But listen - the attack on Moya was not unprovoked!

D'Argo-as-Pilot: (with Luxanish certainty on this point) We did nothing!

Zhaan: I know - Crais did! He attacked the Halosians, with Talyn.

Pilot-as-Chiana: Talyn? Was Talyn here?

Zhaan: 20 arns ago. Then he disappeared. That's why they targeted us Pilot. They think that we came here to destroy them. Look, if we can prove that Moya has no weapons, they will not fire again! The Halosian commander is willing to come aboard unarmed. If we let him search Moya and prove that we are peaceful... (we would not trust Zhaan's character assessments no matter hose body we're into)

D'Argo-as-Pilot: (eying Pilot-as-Chiana) What do you think?

Pilot-as-Chiana: (who is really on no condition to be making decisions... we mean even less so than usual...) We don't have much choice. Tell her it's... it's agreeable. (sigh)

D'Argo-as-Pilot: (he grunts a little and snarls back to Zhaan-) Zhaan! Tell the nomuck he's clear to come over. (Pilot-as-Chiana begins to seize and choke) But remind him we're in no mood for yotz! One trick, one transgression - and I kill him!

Zhaan: (shocked, shocked!) Pilot! What has happened to you?

D'Argo-as-Pilot: I'm fine. Just send him over! (he quickly ends the communication as Moya begins shuddering and releasing vapors again. Pilot-as-Chiana is now thrashing helplessly on the Console, frothing at the mouth) Pilot? What's wrong with you? Pilot?! Crichton! Aeryn! Pilot's having some sort of attack! Get up here! GET UP HERE NOW! Crichton! SOMEBODY - HEEELP!

(cut to soon after - Pilot's Den - the crew have responded to D'Argo-as-Pilot's distress call. Pilot-as-Chiana is laying on the floor, cradled by Chiana-as-D'Argo. Moya is quiet again, almost unnaturally quiet as they speak)

Chiana-as-D'Argo: What's happening Crichton?

John-as-Aeryn: I don't know.

Chiana-as-D'Argo: (very anxious) Is Pilot rejecting my body? What happens to my body if Pilot rejects it?

Pilot-as-Chiana: (weakly) I - I'm much... much better Chiana. We must keep linking - working to link to Moya's - Moya's memory banks - so we can analyze... analyze the weapon that switched us.

D'Argo-as-Pilot: (frustrated) Frell it! I can't do it Pilot! I tried, but I can't do it!

Rygel-as-John: (imperiously) Well you have to! I don't want to stay like this, you pathetic Luxan!

D'Argo-as-Pilot: Crichton - Rygel - who - whoever you are - I'll rip your head off if you don't shut up! Wait! I'm getting a signal - the Halosian shuttle is approaching!

John-as-Aeryn: (to Rygel-as-John) We'd better get down there. They're expecting me - I mean you - to show them around. Come on! (Rygel-as-John, who has his arms crossed and is looking very pouty - gets up to follow while Chiana-as-D'Argo looks worried and fretfully strokes the hair of Pilot-as-Chiana)

(cut to the transport hanger as the crew forms a ragged reception line to greet Tak)

John-as-Aeryn: (via comm) Pilot - D'Argo - can you tell me if this guy's alone?

D'Argo-as-Pilot: I've got no frelling idea John. All I know is - he's docking!

Rygel-as-John: (with his hands on his belly) Ooooh, my....

Aeryn-as-Rygel: (sharply) What's the matter?

Rygel-as-John: I feel, um - nothing. (he slides one hand down the front of his pants) I just feel, um...

John-as-Aeryn: (arms akimbo, glaring) What? Is my body okay Rygel?

Rygel-as-John: Yes. It's fine - just think I have to, um- (he whispers something into John-as-Aeryn's ear)

John-as-Aeryn: Now?

Rygel-as-John: (confidently) Yes! Now. Right now. Yes.

Chiana-as-D'Argo: (girly) You can't go now! You have to hold it!

Rygel-as-John: I don't know how to hold it Chiana! I don't know this body!

John-as-Aeryn: (annoyed, hissing-) Then go! Just-just go!

Rygel-as-John: (loudly) What? Here?

John-as-Aeryn: (motioning towards some containers off to one side) Over there! Now! Go!

Rygel-as-John: Right. There! Now. (he moves off to the designated area)

John-as-Aeryn: (via comm) D'Argo, is this guy here yet?

D'Argo-as-Pilot: He should be there any microt.

Rygel-as-John: Uh - Crichton?

John-as-Aeryn: (warily, as the sound of the Halosian shuttle is heard) What?

Rygel-as-John: Ah - can you show me how to do this?

John-as-Aeryn: (without even looking) Oh - my - God. Unzip.

Rygel-as-John: Mm (there is the sound of a zipper being smartly opened) Right!

John-as-Aeryn: (with a dead look) Pull it out. (Rygel-as-John confirms) Point it like a gun - (another grunt is heard from Rygel-as-John) - and shoot.

Rygel-as-John: (seeking approval) Aimed the right way?

John-as-Aeryn: (refusing to look) Yes, that's fine.

Chiana-as-D'Argo: He's here. (the Halosian enters the hangar, looking around him as he comes)

Tak: I am Tak.

John-as-Aeryn: We figured. D'Argo, search him. (Chiana-as-D'Argo makes no move) D'Argo.

Chiana-as-D'Argo: Oh! Sorry! (she quickly moves toward Tak)

Tak: Not necessary - I am unarmed.

Chiana-as-D'Argo: (breathy) Face the wall and spread your feathers big guy! (Tak complies and Chiana-as-D'Argo proceeds to make a very squeamish feint at searching the creature)

Tak: Where is Crichton? Told he - show me - Moya.

Rygel-as-John: (from the corner) I'm - here! GODS! THAT IS GOOD! - Yes! Then I'll just, uh, put this thing away and - (he zips up his pants but catches something and yelps loudly, John-as-Aeryn winces-) - D-OW! YOTZ!

John-as-Aeryn: (muttering to himself) Put it away and be careful Sparky.

(cut back to Pilot's Den. Pilot-as-Chiana is sitting at the base of the Console looking around as if bewildered and crippled while D'Argo-as-Pilot continues to accustom himself to the sensations of being bonded)

D'Argo-as-Pilot: I can't believe it - it's getting easier Pilot. (with great gentleness) How are you feeling?

Pilot-as-Chiana: (softly - sorrowfully - like a person who's suffered a terrible amputation) If I stay calm, I'm fine. But I still sense Chiana's body wants me gone. I never thought I'd be separated from Moya again. It's as though all my senses have... have vanished. I can't see, or hear, or feel like I did.

D'Argo-as-Pilot: I'm beginning to understand. The glimpses I get of what you experience Pilot, they make my own life feel insignificant.

Pilot-as-Chiana: (softly) That's not true D'Argo.

D'Argo-as-Chiana: It is. I have memories of my son, of a wife - but you have seen the galaxies and the birth of stars.

Pilot-as-Chiana: (desolate) But - I have no... no memories of love. Of friendship. None. You have the remarkable memories D'Argo.

(cut back to the Halosian ship where Zhaan remains shackled and is softly chanting now. Yoz approaches her and touches her monstrous beak to Zhaan's cheek. Zhaan looks at her)

Yoz: I believe - I believe that your Moya peaceful.

Zhaan: So will Tak when he searches it.

Yoz: Perhaps. Look - show you something. (she turns away and activates a recording as Zhaan rubs her cheek where Yoz touched it. The recording is of a transmission from Crais aboard Talyn)

Crais: I am Captain Crais. We travel in peace and we wish you safe passage. (in the recording Talyn ponks a warning signal and Crais takes on a tone of alarm-) Halos-1! My ships' defense mechanisms have been activated - we sense your weapons have charged! Stand down! I repeat - we travel in peace! (and at that moment Talyn and Crais are hit by fire from the Halosian ship) Talyn! Prime guns for retaliation! Fire now!

Zhaan: (amazed) You fired first.

Yoz: Talyn just - defended self.

Zhaan: So Crais was honorable. He's not using Talyn for battle!

Yoz: He could - destroy us - but chose not.

Zhaan: Then why did you fire on Talyn?

Yoz: Our Code. Tak desires - to evolve. He must register - hostile kills - as many - as possible. (Zhaan looks concerned as she contemplates the implications of this information)

(cut back to Moya where Rygel-as-John and Aeryn-as-Rygel are in the middle of giving Tak the Grand Tour)

Rygel-as-John: (bombastic) As you can see - no weapons anywhere. If you ask me, it's frelling ludicrous. In my royal fleet every ship had a hundred cannon!

Aeryn-as-Rygel: Crichton, stop talking.

Rygel-as-John: Just making conversation Ry-GEL. So our guests can see that we are friendly creatures - creatures with no weapons. That way, when he's finished searching - (he turns to Tak who is bringing up the rear and swinging his huge, hideous head from side to side, taking in everything with interest, and says in a low tone) - you can change me back. Right?

Tak: (with no idea and no interest in what Rygel-as-John is nattering about) Everything - will be - dealt with.

Rygel-as-John: Good good! One microt! (he steps away from Tak and says to Aeryn-as-Rygel in a loud whisper-) Aeryn, I think I'm making some progress with this idiot, so - why don't you leave us alone and I'll show him the ship meself?

Aeryn-as-Rygel: What are you up to Rygel?

Rygel-as-John: Nothing. And my own body shouldn't be suspicious of me, so - rack off! (Aeryn-as-Rygel exits with a sigh and Rygel-as-John turns back to Tak) Now...

(cut to John-as-Aeryn who is down in the neural cluster trying to finish the work on the defense screen alone)

John-as-Aeryn: (via comm) Okay, I've done all I can do here. I've changed all the burned-out conduits. Can you run an integrity check and see if this damned defense screen will run to 100%, now?

D'Argo-as-Pilot: (on comm) I'll try John.

John-as-Aeryn: Okay. (they sign off and John-as-Aeryn sighs - then looks around in the sudden realization that he's all alone. He sneaks a glance down at the chest of Aeryn's body and flips the tag with his picture on it over his shoulder. Then he proceeds to unzip Aeryn's vest with a gasping chortle of pure male glee. At that moment Chiana-as-D'Argo and Aeryn-as-Rygel appear in the doorway behind him and pause to observe John doing a little shimmy and watching "his" boobs jiggle)

Aeryn-as-Rygel: (with pure disgust) Ugh! (John-as-Aeryn jumps vigorously up and down and then suddenly stops to take a long, slow feel of his borrowed mammaries...)

John-as-Aeryn: (moaning softly to himself) Oooohhh... Mama!

Aeryn-as-Rygel: (annoyed) Crichton! (John-as-Aeryn startles and whips around, pulling the vest demurely shut to face the "girls")

Chiana-as-D'Argo: What are you doing?

John-as-Aeryn: (defensively) Oh come on man! I'm- (he clutches at "his" chest imploringly) They're here! They're right here! They've been here for a couple of arns and I just had to -

Aeryn-as-Rygel: You are - mentally damaged.

John-as-Aeryn: No - I'm a guy! A guy? Guys dream about this sort of thing!

Aeryn-as-Rygel: I'll tell you one thing Crichton, if I find you've been dreaming anything else to my body, I'll break your legs. Even if they are mine.

John-as-Aeryn: (embarrassed as he zips up his vest) What are you guys doing here anyway?

Chiana-as-D'Argo: (silky) I've just re-patched the defense screen in Command. I need you to have a look at it. Unless you need some more - private time?

John-as-Aeryn: (sulky) Oh, shut up Chiana! God knows what you've been doing in that body.

Aeryn-as-Rygel: Look you two can fight it out later. Rygel's about to bring the Halosians through the quadrant below this one. I came to tell you to clear out - So clear!

John-as-Aeryn: (tossing his head as if trying to clear his mind) Okay!

(soon after - cut to Rygel-as-John and Tak as they make their way through the neural cluster)

Rygel-as-John: (bored now) Haven't you searched enough of these cells? Think about it, if we had a weapon, we'd have already fired it.

Tak: Yes. I believe - you have no weapons.

Rygel-as-John: (jovial) Well there you are! That's good! We can be friends! (he makes to leave but Tak stands there, swaying a bit) Come on! Yes, lets go! Don't stand there like a wounded trelkez! We'll have our feast! Worthy of a royal Dominar! (he chuckles with satisfaction)

Tak: No - I-I-I feel unwell.

Rygel-as-John: (as Tak moans and gags) Nononono! We are well-stocked for the first time in a million cycles. We have fela shanks, Hynerian mar-jools -

Tak: I sick! I-I- (and with that he proceeds - amid much gut-wrenching burbling and belching, to vomit up masses of a bright red substance that looks rather like partially-set Jell-O)

Rygel-as-John: (looking away and waving one hand at Tak) Yes. Go on. Go on. Let it all out.

Tak: Excuse.

Rygel-as-John: (magnanimous) Nono. That's all right. We do that sort of thing all the time here on Moya. I just peed in the maintenance bay. And ah - (he leans close to Tak again) - now that we're friends, and you know that we have no weapons - you think you can switch me back to my own body right away?

Tak: When I get - to my ship - I'll see what I - can do.

Rygel-as-John: Well hurry it up. I don't think I can stand this gangly hunk of flesh for much longer.

Tak: Don't worry. Won't be - much longer. (they exit and as they do Tak's vomit begins to move, amoeba-like, crawling up Moya's neural conduits which begin to spark and die as it creeps over them)

(soon after - cut to the Command, John-as-Aeryn enters it evidently in response to a call from D'Argo-as-Pilot. They speak via comm and the scene shifts between the two of them)

John-as-Aeryn: What's going on D'Argo?

D'Argo-as-Pilot: Moya's scared. Something foreign to her is attacking her internal circuitry.

John-as-Aeryn: Any idea what?

D'Argo-as-Pilot: No, I can't see anything yet.

Aeryn-as-Rygel: It must have been Tak. He must have brought something on board.

John-as-Aeryn: No way. Chiana searched him. She didn't find anything.

Aeryn-as-Rygel: Well she must have missed it.

John-as-Aeryn: D'Argo you're gonna have to give us a better idea of where to look. Rygel took Tak everywhere.

D'Argo-as-Pilot: I don't know where! I've got nothing here John!

John-as-Aeryn: All right, we'd better find Spanky. I'm sure he knows something. (Aeryn-as-Rygel grunts in agreement and they leave to look for him)

(cut back to the Halosian ship. Tak has returned and approaches Zhaan who is still restrained)

Tak: Your people - talk of - switching back. What means?

Zhaan: I have no idea.

Tak: You lie - but no care. I destroy Moya. (to Yoz) Are weapons ready?

Yoz: Yes, Lord

Tak: (he stomps away) Good.

Zhaan: (whispering to Yoz) You know this is wrong!

Yoz: Can do nothing. Our Code forbids me-

Zhaan: (in a hissing whisper) Frell your Code! Stop him!

Yoz: Am fascinated - by your Code. Those on Moya -not your race - yet you worry.

Zhaan: Of course.

Yoz: We worry - about nothing - except ourselves.

Zhaan: (in an inspiration of deviousness that Rygel would be proud of) If that is true Yoz, if you are just concerned with your own evolve - I can help you. Tak failed when he - when he fired at Moya and he failed to destroy her, right?

Yoz: Yes.

Zhaan: If the Lord fails, can you replace him? Does your Code allow this?

Yoz: Yes.

Zhaan: Then you should replace him.

Yoz: (taken aback) Me?

Zhaan: Why not? Wouldn't you evolve quicker if you did?

Yoz: (thinking) Yes - if I - prove he fail.

Zhaan: I will be your proof. I will tell anyone you want that he failed and you had to take over from him. Just - just let Moya go!

Yoz: (wary) No! Tak not fail! If he - not destroy Moya now - we talk again.

Zhaan: (yanking fretfully at her cuff as she says to herself-) By then it would be too late!

(cut back to Moya where the red substance Tak vomited continues to invade and short out Moya's neural conduits. Cut to Chiana-as-D'Argo in one of Moya's corridors where she accosts Rygel-as-John and pushes him against a wall)

Chiana-as-D'Argo: (panting with fear) You know what we have to do Rygel? Get the frell out of here.

Rygel-as-John: (with regal contempt) Is that your answer for everything, Chiana? Just run?

Chiana-as-D'Argo: That's what you do Rygel.

Rygel-as-John: Yes, normally, and I'd do it in a microt, except I want my body back.

Chiana-as-D'Argo: (she steps closer to Rygel, pressing D'Argo's body against Johns as she lowers her voice seductively) Now why would you want to do that? This body's much better.

Rygel-as-John: You think?

Chiana-as-D'Argo: I know. On Moya you don't have much competition, but, uh - this is as good as it gets Sluggy.

Rygel-as-John: But this body is so - white. And it only lasts another 40 pathetic cycles. Mine will last for- (Chiana-as-D'Argo presses closer and fondles Rygel-as-John's crotch) OH-ho-ho-ho! What are you doing Chiana?

Chiana-as-D'Argo: (murmuring) I want someone to go with me. It gets lonely out there.

Rygel-as-John: (gasping a bit as Chiana continues her attentions) Normally you have to rub my eyebrows to make me feel like this.

Chiana-as-D'Argo: (coaxingly) I'll rub you anywhere you like in the transport pod.

Rygel-as-John: (squeaking) Don't you want your body back?

Chiana-as-D'Argo: I'd rather be alive in this body than dead in my own. Let's get out of here. (she begins to pull Rygel-as-John along with her but he resists-)

Rygel-as-John: (with the noble tone of who just knows he's breaking a woman's heart depriving her of his fabulous self...) Oh no! No! No - I can't go with you girl.

Chiana-as-D'Argo: What are you doing, Rygel? Why do you wanna stay?

Rygel-as-John: Because I need my BODY! NOT THIS BODY! Only a Royal Hynerian can reclaim my throne. And the hope of executing the cousin who betrayed me is the only reason I live. (at that moment John-as-Aeryn and Aeryn-as-Rygel appear in the corridor)

John-as-Aeryn: (to Rygel-as-John) Little guy! Been looking for you! Listen - D'Argo says whatever's attacking Moya is in the neural cluster. That means Tak must have done something when you were showing him through.

Rygel-as-John: (wearily) He didn't do anything. I showed him round the ship, then he got sick and left.

Aeryn-as-Rygel: He got sick? What do you mean?

Rygel-as-John: He threw up. Disgusting creature.

John-as-Aeryn: (grabbing Rygel-as-John and setting off down the corridor with him) Show us!

Rygel-as-John: What?

John-as-Aeryn: Show me the pavement pizza.

Rygel-as-John: (protesting as he's dragged off) You want to see vomit Crichton? Nobody wants to see vomit!

(cut to the neural cluster as the lot of them enter, neural synapses continue to short)

Rygel-as-John: Over there. He vomited over there. (they spot the slithering slime) Yotz! Creeping vomit.

Chiana-as-D'Argo: (panicky) How the - how the bizdek did it do that?

John-as-Aeryn: (as he watches the puke crawl up the thick ropes of Moya's neural conduits) I don't know. But I'm pretty sure the defense screen power cell is up here. (he begins to climb up to see how far the stuff is getting)

Chiana-as-D'Argo: Be careful Crichton!

John-as-Aeryn: He must have barfed up some kind of acid that burned out these conduits. (there are more shorts as he sees a thick gob of red stuff still powering upwards) Oh crap - the acid's still moving. (Chiana-as-D'Argo and Rygel-as-John clamber up behind him as he surveys the burned out conduits)

Chiana-as-D'Argo: What's going on?

John-as-Aeryn: (he indicates the neural cluster next to the one being destroyed by Tak's vomit) Maybe we could leapfrog the power to this cell. Chiana, go back to the Den. Re-link the cables we patched in before to that cell there.

Chiana-as-D'Argo: And where exactly does that lead to?

John-as-Aeryn: I don't know. Ask Pilot.

Chiana-as-D'Argo: Do you know what you're doing Crichton?

John-as-Aeryn: No, I have no idea. I'm making it up as I go. (Chiana-as-D'Argo heaves a big sigh) Move! (she does)

Rygel-as-John: Crichton, even if we can - fragleap - the defense screen to that cell over there, how the frell are we going to stop the vomit?

John-as-Aeryn: We have to try and contain it. Alkaline solution neutralizes acid, right? So do we have anything like that on board Moya?

Rygel-as-John: Zhaan. I'll wager she has some in her apothecary.

John-as-Aeryn: All right, find it. But move! We don't have much time.

(cut to Pilot's Den)

D'Argo-as-Pilot: (snarling) The frelling Halosian ship has targeted us again!

Chiana-as-D'Argo: (entering) We need to re-link the defense screen!

Pilot-as-Chiana: (he's trying to get to a standing position by sliding himself up against the Console) To where?

Chiana-as-D'Argo: I was hoping you were able to tell me that Pilot. (Pilot-as-Chiana gapes)

(cut back to the neural clusters - Rygel-as-John has returned with a little pot of some alkaline substance and is standing there with it, waiting)

Aeryn-as-Rygel: (entering, annoyed) I had to go up 2 tiers in the waste lift to find another way in here. 2 tiers! Have you figured out what to do?

John-as-Aeryn: I think so. Rygel's gonna dump that stuff in there while I re-patch the defense screen power supply.

Aeryn-as-Rygel: Is this going to work?

John-as-Aeryn: I have no idea. I'm gonna have to shut down the defense screen when I switch over.

Rygel-as-John: But the Halosians will be able to attack us!

John-as-Aeryn: Only for a couple of seconds. We don't have any choice Rygel. If we don't do this, they're gonna attack us as soon as the defense screen burns out. Are you ready to start dumping that crap in there?

Aeryn-as-Rygel: On your call.

John-as-Aeryn: Okay, I hope this works. (via comm) D'Argo, shut down the defense screen.

D'Argo-as-Pilot: Shutting down now. (cut briefly to a view of Moya as the shimmer of the DS winks out over her body)

John-as-Aeryn: Go! (they spring into action as he goes for the DS connections and Rygel-as-John starts spreading the alkali which causes the Halosian vomit to sizzle and steam)

(cut back to the Halosian ship)

Yoz: Defense screen - down!

Tak: Destroy them!

Zhaan: (in despair) Stop! They're unarmed!

(cut back to Moya's neural clusters)

John-as-Aeryn: Okay D'Argo! I'm on! Turn on the defense screen!

D'Argo-as-Pilot: Powering now!

(cut to Pilot's Den as the DS once again shimmers into life over Moya's hull)

Chiana-as-D'Argo: I've done it! I think I've re-patched the defense screen!

And at that moment the blast from the Halosian weapon hits Moya. As there was the first time - a convulsive shock wracks the two groups of Moya's crew as they stand in positions similar to the ones they were in at the time of the first blast. Slowly, they look at themselves, and each other as the shock wave passes...

Aeryn (who now inhabits John's body): Oh no. I'm Aeryn - who's Crichton?

John-as-Rygel: BZZT! I am.

Rygel-as-Aeryn: YOTZ! (after a moment to gather themselves they sullenly begin to exchange picture tags)

John-as-Rygel: Look, except for me being stuck in this disgusting, smelly, ugly-

Rygel-as-Aeryn: (very sulky) My body's royal, not smelly!

John-as-Rygel: Rygel - except for me being in here, things are looking up.

Aeryn-as-John: How do you figure that Crichton?

John-as-Rygel: We've switched! So! If we can switch to here, Aeryn, then we can switch back to our original bodies, right? (at that moment a voice breaks in via comm and the scene shifts to Pilot's Den where he, D'Argo and Chiana have shifted again as well...)

Chiana-as-Pilot: Crichton! Aeryn! Somebody? It's Chiana. I mean - Pilot. Pilot's in D'Argo's body. But he's not moving. We can't get him to wake up!

D'Argo-as-Chiana: Get down here John! I think Pilot is dying!

(cut back to the Halosian ship)

Tak: (this poor schlub'll never evolve - he's snarling with fury-) Arr! Defense screen - arr - still work! But I - not fail! I ram Moya!

Zhaan: Don't! Don't they're peaceful - please! (how long is she going to keep this up?) They have not hurt you. Yoz - you cannot interfere with your Lords' plan unless he fails, right? Well he has failed. Stop him. Stop him!

Yoz: Yes. (and with that she turns and attacks Tak, knocking him to the floor and tearing him to death with her massive beak before gasping in triumph-) Tak was fool - I - will evolve!

(cut back to Pilot's Den - the crew has once again gathered there to review their situation)

Chiana-as-Pilot: (panicky as she stares at the complex Console in front of her) I can't get through to the Halosians! Can't do anything!

D'Argo-as-Chiana: Do not panic! Think of the rope. Try to-

Chiana-as-Pilot: (shouting over him in frustration) Frell the rope! I can't do this D'Argo! (Moya begins to shudder and rumble with anxiety and confusion)

Rygel-as-Aeryn: (annoyed) Do it you pathetic tralk!

Aeryn-as-John: All right! Calm down! Everybody just calm down - D'Argo, before the last blast hit, is there anything you remember?

D'Argo-as-Chiana: I felt the power of the blast before I shifted out of Pilot. I think the beam was trying to destroy Moya not make us switch bodies.

Rygel-as-Aeryn: Then why didn't it destroy us?

D'Argo-as-Chiana: I do not know. The defense screen deflected most of the energy, but some got through.

John-as-Rygel: Oohoh - Chiana! Was the screen at full power when their beam hit?

Chiana-as-Pilot: (nervous) No. The sensors say screen power is at, uh - 62%.

John-as-Rygel: (soothingly) Okay - Okay. Maybe it's the interaction of their weapon and our screen that makes us switch bodies. Part of the beam gets through. That's the part that affects us.

D'Argo-as-Chiana: How do we get back Crichton? Pilot is barely breathing!

John-as-Rygel: (sounding much more reasonable than his plan) All right, let's try this - we power the screen to 62%, get in the same position we were in the first time the beam hit - then we moon the Halosians and hope they'll shoot us again!

D'Argo-as-Chiana: (dubiously) Are you sure about this John?

John-as-Rygel: Nope.

D'Argo-as-Chiana: Another blast could kill us.

John-as-Rygel: Yup.

Chiana-as-Pilot: The Halosian ship is heading towards us.

Aeryn-as-John: Are its' weapons targeted?

Chiana-as-Pilot: No - but it's moving fast! I-I think he wants to ram us! Moya's-Moya's attempting to initiate starburst!

Aeryn-as-John: Don't let her Chiana! If she does, we'll never get our bodies back! Keep Moya calm and initiate evasive maneuvers.

Chiana-as-Pilot: (panic rising again) Aaah - how, Aeryn? ahahah - how? I don't know how to do anything!

D'Argo-as-Chiana: I will help you. Go John. Get back to Command! I will wake Pilot and put him in the same position he was in during the first attack.

John-as-Rygel: Right. (they begin to assume their positions)

(cut back to the Halosian ship where the flaw in Zhaan's plan becomes apparent as Yoz prepares to "evolve" after the manner of her kind - by registering hostile kills)

Zhaan: (pleading) You don't have to do this! You don't have to die!

Yoz: Will not - as soon as on target - I escape in your - transport pod.

Zhaan: (with quiet fury) Such a warriors' code - killing defenseless beings! (she jerks her shackled wrist against its' restraint and mutters-) By the Goddess... (and with little plea to her deity for strength, and a cry of pain - she contorts her hand and yanks it through the wide cuff)

Yoz: (she has her back to Zhaan as she aims her ship at Moya) Now time - for- (beddy-bye as Zhaan knocks her lights out with a punch that makes a sound like a frying pan hitting a large bird)

(cut back to Moya Aeryn-as-John has Rygel-as-Aeryn by the elbow and is hustling him along towards the Command)

Aeryn-as-John: (via comm) Chiana! Is the Halosian ship still heading towards us?

Chiana-as-Pilot: (cut briefly to her in Pilot's Den) Yes - I'm attempting evasive maneuvers, but Moya still wants to starburst.

(cut to the Command - Aeryn-as-John, John-as-Rygel and Rygel-as-Aeryn enter just in time to see the Halosian ship filling the view out the main portal)

John-as-Rygel: Aw hell Chiana! We're gonna hit!

Chiana-as-Pilot: I can't stop it!

Aeryn-as-John: HOLD ON! (Moya is bumped and lurches violently and the crew thrown about as the Halosian ship just sideswipes them)

Chiana-as-Pilot: (panting) That was freaking close!

Rygel-as-Aeryn: You did it, Chiana.

Chiana-as-Pilot: I didn't do anything. Moya turned us. Wait - I'm-I'm picking up a transmission from Zhaan.

Aeryn-as-John: Can you put it on the clamshell?

Chiana-as-Pilot: I'll try. (she manages it and Zhaan's visage shimmers to life on the clamshell viewer)

Zhaan: I finally have control of the ship. Is everyone on Moya all right?

Rygel-as-Aeryn: Well that depends on your definition of 'all right'. I personally would say-

Aeryn-as-John: Rygel shut up.

Zhaan: What's the matter?

John-as-Rygel: It would take too long to explain. Look Zhaan - we need you to do us a favor. We need you to shoot us again. Can you do that?

Zhaan: (sighing) What is this madness?

John-as-Rygel: It's not madness-

Zhaan: (dismissive of "Rygel" and impatient with his obvious nonsense) Rygel why do you have a picture of Crichton on your chest? Let me speak to him.

John-as-Rygel: But I'm- (he sighs with resignation and looks to Aeryn, who is inhabiting his body) Crichton.

Aeryn-as-John: She wants me?

John-as-Rygel: Yeah. Zhaan wants to hear it from you. She won't listen to Rygel.

Rygel-as-Aeryn: (sulky) I told you. You all say I'm paranoid, but it's true! No one ever frelling listens to me.

John-as-Rygel: Can it furball. (yeah they don't listen to him when he's Aeryn either)

Rygel-as-Aeryn: Great! Now I'm getting yotz from my own body!

Zhaan: (annoyed and perplexed) By the Goddess! What is this madness that has overtaken all of you?

Aeryn-as-John: (firmly) We'll explain later! Just shoot us Zhaan. Full power. And don't worry, we'll have the screen up.

Zhaan: Are you sure about this Crichton?

Rygel-as-Aeryn: (bursting out) Shoot the damn gun, you blue-assed bitch! I'm sick of all this!

Aeryn-as-John: (she gives her body with Rygel in it a swat upside the head and continues without even looking at him) YES - I'm sure Zhaan! Just shoot us - full power. Trust me. Everything will be all right.

Zhaan: If you say so John.

Rygel-as-Aeryn: (slapping Aeryn's hand on the table in front of him with pure outrage) Disgusting! "If you say so John." "Trust me." "It'll be all right." And she believes it! Well YOTZ! If I said that, you'd all vomit! (as it is, everyone just ignores him)

Aeryn-as-John: Chiana is the defense screen at 62%?

Chiana-as-Pilot: Setting it now.

Aeryn-as-John: Are the three of you in the exact positions you were in when the first beam hit?

(cut to Pilot's Den)

Chiana-as-Pilot: We're working on it. (she looks on helplessly as D'Argo, in her small Nebari body, struggles to shift Pilot who remains unresponsive in the massive body of D'Argo)

D'Argo-as-Chiana: Wake up Pilot! Please! You've got to be just were I was. I cannot move you by myself!

(cut to Zhaan aboard the Halosian ship)

Zhaan: I'm calibrating the weapons John. Firing in 10 microts.

(cut back to the Command on Moya where Aeryn, John and Rygel in their borrowed bodies move into their places)

Aeryn-as-John: (situating Rygel-as-Aeryn) Right - there - Rygel.

John-as-Rygel: Okay - are you both in the same position?

Aeryn-as-John: (tired-of-you tone) Yes, John.

Rygel-as-Aeryn: (fretful) Sure? Maybe you were here, maybe you were there-

Aeryn-as-John: Rygel!

Rygel-as-Aeryn: (muttering) Yotz!

John-as-Rygel: (via comm) D'Argo? How you doing?

(cut to Pilot's Den)

D'Argo-as-Chiana: (trying to drag Pilot-as-D'Argo across the floor) Tell Zhaan to hang on a microt! PILOT!

Pilot-as-D'Argo: (finally coming to) What? What happened?

Chiana-as-Pilot: I can't contact Zhaan! She's not responding!

D'Argo-as-Chiana: (roaring frantically) YOU HAVE TO GET UP PILOT! NOW! STAND! STAND YOU SON OF A HEZMAT! (trying to pull Pilot-as-D'Argo to an upright position) HANG ON ZHAAN! DO NOT FIRE YET!

(cut back to the Halosian ship)

Zhaan: Firing now! (and with that she pulls the lever of the Halosian weapon and its' blast once again rolls over the partially protected Moya. Cut back to the crew as they are jolted again by the modified energy vibrations. As the shock wave dissipates they look at each other and themselves fearfully. then from John's body comes - the voice of Rygel...)

John: Yotz! I'll just crawl back to my royal bedchamber and - (Aeryn stares at him in horror) Joke, Aeryn. I'm back!

Aeryn: (with a little laugh of relief) You bastard! (they playfully tussle with each other)

John: (pausing to yell to the others) Hey! You guys okay up there?

(cut to Pilot's Den)

Pilot: (looking a bit shell-shocked and in an odd voice, as if not quite sure he's really himself yet) Yes Crichton. We're all back!

Chiana: (laughing gleefully) It's me! IT'S ME! (D'Argo smiles at her quietly)

(cut back to the Command)

John: YES! We did it! (he and Aeryn hug)

Rygel: (to no-one as they laugh and carry on giddily) Oh yes. I'm back, too. Thanks for asking. Back to being me. (gloomily) Back to being ignored.

(later - Zhaan has returned to Moya and is on the Command talking to Pilot via clamshell viewer. The crew is assembled there, quiet now. They all seem pensive as they sit about, at some distance from each other)

Pilot: How large has Talyn grown?

Zhaan: He's not as big as Moya yet Pilot, but - he's fierce. When he decided to attack, he easily destroyed the Halosian ship.

Pilot: Can we take heart that Crais didn't initiate the attack? Perhaps he won't use Talyn as a weapon.

Zhaan: Perhaps. Perhaps he'll surprise us all.

Pilot: I'm glad you're back Zhaan. But I must go. I must share with Moya all the experiences I've had when separated from her. She wants to know everything. (Zhaan makes a little sound of acknowledgement as Pilot signs off. then she grunts in pain as she jostles the land that she pulled out of the Halosian shackle. She has it in a sling. Rygel approaches her)

Rygel: Uh - Zhaan? Will your hand ever get better?

Zhaan: (laying her good hand on his shoulder) I've re-initiated the internal flow of nutrients, Rygel but there's a danger that not all function will return. So - I must heal it slowly. (they exit together)

Chiana: (to D'Argo) What? Why are you looking at me like that?

D'Argo: It's-it's nothing - it's just that, uh - my tankas are sore, and they've never felt like that before. So I was wondering - what-what you were doing with them.

Chiana: (nervously) Nothing. Hey, have you been speaking to Crichton?

D'Argo: No. But um - I, uh, I did wanna say to you that I-I really... really enjoyed being inside your body. (he quickly tries to rephrase that...) NO! Oh! Oh - um - what I meant by that is - uh -

Chiana: (smiling and moving closer to him) I know what you mean.

D'Argo: (lamely, amazingly awkward for a guy who's had a wife and a kid) I-I really like your body.

Chiana: (murmuring) You like my body? (she smiles at him and starts to leave casting him an inviting glance, He gets up and follows her out. Aeryn and john watch them go)

Aeryn: Well. They certainly seem to be readjusting well.

John: Uh-huh. Well, they say you have to walk a mile in someone's shoes to understand them.

Aeryn: I certainly know what you were doing when you were in my shoes Crichton.

John: Give me a break.

Aeryn: (chuckling) It's okay. It's okay, you know? You were in my shoes, I was in your pants... (she gets up and starts to leave too)

John: "Scuse me? (Aeryn stops and looks over her shoulder at him and smiles. John eyes her for a moment and with an amused sound, he springs up to follow after her)


back to the top

Previous | Transcript Index | Next
Report transcript errors

Disclaimer: Farscape is property of The Jim Henson Co and no copyright infringement is intended.